Young
Unionists

This blogpiece was sent in by Young Unionist member Roger Da Costa.

With the polls narrowing between Labour and the Conservatives, a young unionist makes a speech suggestion for what David Cameron could have said at the Conservative Party Spring Conference in Brighton – view the UK from a new born child’s perspective, and announce a radical new policy on UK taxation.

“…lets call her Rosie. Her whole life is ahead of her.

Mummy’s taking her out in the Pram today. But what’s this bright new world she sees around her?

Outside her pram she can hear youths in the park. They’re shouting obscene abuse at her mother as they go past, drinking cider from cans and acting like feral cats. Apparently they give abuse to everyone. Why is noone doing anything?

Now Rosie and her mum are walking past her future school. Her mum knows its not a bad school, but she also knows it could be so much better.

Rosie and her mum are on their way to the shops. On the way they pass a queue of people at the Jobcentre, two closed down pubs and a slew of gaudy and badly thought out new buildings.

Rosie’s mum is having to economise at the shop. There’s less coming in than before.

On the way home, Rosie and her mum go past the local hospital. Its just been in the papers. Some people weren’t cared for like they should have been.

When they get home, the postie’s been round. More bills. Mum seems upset.

Rosie wants to know what she can do to stop Mum crying.

Well Rosie, I want to talk to you.

You don’t have to do anything Rosie.

You’ve you’re whole life ahead of you and your mummy loves you very much.

But there is something your mummy and your neighbours can do – vote for a new person to speak for you. Vote for a Conservative person to speak for you.

Because we’ll tackle those youths drinking cider – we’ll crack down on under-priced supermarket booze being sold to underage people. [applause]

We’ll give police and communities the powers they need to get tough on yobs.

[applause]

And we’ll ensure the people have the power to make the police do their jobs!

[applause]

We-will-not-let-the terrible case of Fiona Pilkington happen again!

[applause]

And Rosie, you don’t need to worry about your future school. Your mum’s right. It is a good school – but-it-could-be-so-much-better.

That’s why we’re going to let your mum, and your neighbours, take over that school if they want, or may be even set up a new school.

Because noone has your interests more at heart than your parents.

[applause]

Rosie, we’re going to do something for those people you saw without jobs too.

We’re going to cut the deficit, reduce waste, deliver more for less in our public sector and create an economy made to benefit businesses, growth and individual opportunity –

Not an economy made for public sector trade unions and narrow interest groups!

[applause]

Less jobs in quangos – more jobs in enterprise!

[applause]

And about that run down high street Rosie.

We’ll look after local areas and amenities better.

We’ll reverse Labour’s anti-pub, anti-community policies and we’ll reverse the centralization and bureacratisation of planning.

Local people will make the decisions that count!

[applause]

And that Hospital Rosie?

It’s a real shame what’s being happening there, but its been happening in other places too.

The staff work really hard and are very talented, but they’re busy chasing silly targets invented by silly men far, far away in a place called Whitehall.

[laughter]

Well we’re going to tell those silly men to go away.

We’ll let the Doctors and nurses, and the patients and public where you live decide what the targets should be.

[applause]

Finally, Rosie, I must say you’re a very observant young thing

[laughter].

Because you’re right.

Times are hard right now for your mother.

They’re hard for everyone.

But we’re going to do something about that.

We’re going to let more people keep more of the money they earn.

Which is why I’m announcing today, a new policy.

George and I have talked long and hard about this.

It’s a radical policy.

Its never been done before in Britain.

But the more we looked into it and the more we debated it, the more we realised it’s the right thing to do.

We’re going to change the tax system completely.

Completely.

Its worked in Hong Kong.

Its worked in Estonia.

Its worked in Serbia.

Ukraine, Latvia, Lithuania, Georgia, and Russia.

And its going to work in Britain too.

We will introduce a Flat Tax system to the UK!

[applause]

The first £20,000 of evryone’s income will be tax free.

Free.

Neda.

Not a cent, dime, or penny.

Yes, you can keep it.

All of it.

You earned it for goodness sake!

And thereafter, you’ll simply pay 25p in the £ on what you earn.

And that’s it.

Simples, eh?

[laughter]

Even Rosie gets it!

[laughter]

Gordon Brown doesn’t like it at all though.

[laughter]

Neither do all those tax accountants.

[laughter]

Because it just might be that all of us can actually understand the tax system for a change!

Now wouldn’t that be something?

But it wouldn’t just be simpler – it will be a central plank in creating a fairer, better and more prosperous Britain.

One that Rosie could really quite like!

So come on Gordon Brown.

Bring on that election!

Bring it on!

Because the people of Britain face a clear choice.

More Labour failure.

More Labour over-spending

(Oh and do us all a favour Gordon Brown – stop calling it “investment” will you?)

[applause]

More Labour target setting, and more Labour nannying.

Or the alternative.

Tough action on Yobbishness.

More power to the people.

Less power for the Quangocrats.

A dynamic economy, with the proceeds of growth given back to the people who made it.

Opportunity, prosperity and growth.

Conference – lets do this for Britain.

Lets do this for Rosie!

[applause]

[knickers are thrown on to stage, etc]